Standing Tall

The musings of a twenty something girl from the Midwest.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

My Better Half?

This last weekend I found myself alone in Boston. Virtually everyone I know was out of town, including Steve. With all the alone time I had on my hands I found myself doing stuff that I had been meaning to do for a while. I went for long runs, I went to a peace rally, and I also spent time watching movies I wouldn’t watch if Steve were around.

I got to thinking, would I be a better person if Steve weren’t in my life? Would I become more well rounded and fit? Would I watch more worldly movies and be more introspective?

I don’t know the answer to those questions but I do know I would be more lonely. It was weird going to a peace rally by myself. I just stood around for awhile then left because I felt awkward being alone in mass of people. There was no one for me to talk to about the movies I watched. I might be a different person if I wasn’t dating Steve, but that person might have to make up imaginary friends to fill her time.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

In the Job Description

Often times people describe a nurse as a person who saves lives and most of the time they are right. I love where I work because most of our patients get better and go home relatively soon after they have surgery, it’s happy; they use to be sick but now they are better and their quality of life has improved. This last week though I experienced, for the first time, the other side of what nurses do; help patients die comfortably. I don’t wish to get into the details of this patient to respect the family and patient’s right to privacy. Needless to say that putting a patient on comfort measures is both good and bad. It’s good because it respects the wishes of the patient and family, but at the same time you have to admit defeat, that what you do doesn’t always work.

Less then twenty-four hours after being put on comfort measures the patient died. I don’t consider myself a religious person but more and more often I have started to say, and believe, patients are in a better place after they pass. I don’t know if I believe in heaven or any sort of after life, but I think almost anything is better then lying in a dark hospital room.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

I Should Have Stopped Right There

A few weeks ago I was walking to work on a particularly icy morning when I thought, “Wow, I’ve walked to work every day for almost 2 years now and I never slipped.” Soon after that though came “I haven’t been sick in a while, I must be doing well.” It was then that I fell on the ice and smashed my knee into the pavement.

Now I sit here, my second sick day in a week. I had a cold on Monday and now spent the last forty-eight hours having a very nasty flu.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Sick Day

When I was a kid my dad never let me stay at home unless there was something visibly wrong with me. Short of puking my brains out or loss of a limb I was climbing on the big yellow school bus every day. “Just try to make it through the day, see how it goes,” my dad would say as I left the house with walking pneumonia for kindergarten. My dad himself has, on many occasions, been told by his co-workers to leave work because he was too sick to work and had no business being there. The mentality of “come hell or high water a days work (or school work) must be done” has continued to stick with me even at my job now.

I had this weekend off and instead of enjoying the glorious weekend I was at home nursing an awful sinus infection. My nose constantly running, my head feeling like it was about to explode from pressure, not even Nyquil was helping me feel better. I was going to try to go to work today but after being told not to by both Steve and my mom I called in sick. “Uhhhh, ok, well, the calls just keep coming!” the charge nurse told me when I phoned in my absence. Apparently two other people had already called in sick for the day and now including me the total will be three leaving the unit very understaffed. I volunteered to try to come in at eleven and work an eight hour shift but the charge nurse sided with my mom and told me to stay at home and get well.

So here I am, drinking tea, sleeping, and feeling like I should be at work.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I Need to Buy Boots

I feel like maybe I’ve lost my edge since I’ve moved to Boston. I’m no longer Minnesota strong against the cold. A few weeks ago I was talking to my mom on my cell phone while walking to the train and a large gust of wind whipped about me, “uhhhhh, it’s sooooo cold here” I complained. I was met with a moment of silence then my mom informed me that it hadn’t been above zero in almost a week at home.

I classify Minnesota cold as the type of cold that freezes your face when you walk outside or type that comes up through your shoes and makes your toes numb and sore. People at work have been saying it’s bitter cold or deathly cold out right now. In my mind I think that they don’t know cold and that it’s not cold until it’s Minnesota cold. Then walking to the train this week the wind hit my face and I felt the inside of my nose freeze just a little, and it was Minnesota cold.

Monday, March 05, 2007

She’s Got the Funk

I’ve been down lately. Call it the winter blues but I just haven’t felt very happy lately. Maybe I miss my family or maybe I’m in a rut with work but I’ve been not a very pleasant person to be around lately (Steve can tell you all about it). I haven’t felt motivated to post because who wants to hear someone whine about their life? If that’s what you want pop in your favorite emo CD and blues along.

Then last week, for no reason, it left. I walked home from the T with a big smile on my face and I felt better. It’s like someone turned on a light in my head that chased away the sad/mad/helpless thoughts and now I feel like me again. So hopefully more will posts will come. Sorry for the delay.